Reinventing Carrie

Creating boundaries is an act of self love. This includes distancing yourself from toxic family or friends. It also involves creating a secret garden. Why be in a situation that makes you feel unworthy? Surrounding yourself with love and people that respect you does not make you selfish or childish. If your in-laws are consistently rude, why would you keep putting yourself in that situation? It can be hard to learn to say no. If it affects your well being, the answer has to be no. People are angry that you suddenly are not interested in being a doormat. If necessary, you need to go no contact. I have a rare disease. Actually, I have a few. There are days I really can’t do something. I’m learning that is OK. I am learning not to feel guilty or left out. As most Gen X will say, it is what it is. I can’t fight everything. I can’t be everything to everyone. My health and well being are more important than any event or person.

How exactly am I getting to that revelation? Meditation and positive affirmations have helped me. Creating an environment that is less chaotic also contributed. I have boundaries for my secret garden. A secret garden is either a room or a corner carved out that is just yours. When I am there, it is my time. I may be reading, meditating, listening to music, or just closing my eyes. When I am there, no one is to disturb me. This is where I find peace. It is also where I recharge my body and mind. This is not selfish, I am no good to anyone if I am not taking care of myself. If I start feeling out of control, I will go to my secret garden. I will stay there until I can recenter myself. If we are fighting, I am in my room because I know I’m going to say something I don’t mean. I’m gathering my emotions and processing how I feel. You should spend thirty minutes a day in your garden, you deserve it.

A secret garden can be a corner in your living room that has things you love in it. I firmly believe in always surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy. I’d rather have less but only have things I love than be surrounded by stuff I don’t. Maybe you have an extra room in your house. You can decorate it to be a serene place you can go. Mine has lots of plants. There is a bookshelf full of my favorite books. I have an oversized chair in velvet slub, as I find certain textures can help me relax. There are paintings of places I would like to visit or images of nature. I like tea to relax. I have a nice, special tea set. I only use it in my secret garden. Rituals help me too. It’s all about what works for you, I need the ritual to get my mindset ready to relax and decompress. Maybe a 15 minute milk bath and my favorite pj’s or lounge set helps me feel good about myself. I also read a book before bed. Part of my ‘tasks’ is to read at least of 1 book a month. This routine helps me get ready to sleep. I can’t sleep if my mind can’t relax. I may spend 30 minutes in there before bed. Sometimes, I’m feeling overwhelmed and unsure how or where to start. In those moments, I go to my secret garden. I meditate and find my center. This helps me achieve what I need to. My husband is very aware not to bother me during this time. It has helped our marriage a lot. We don’t fight as much. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time we did.

After 30 days of doing this, I can see a huge difference in my well-being. I am calmer. I can finish my daily tasks easily. I am more logical than emotional in my daily life. This change is a huge improvement. I can break problems or tasks into smaller, more manageable pieces. My PTSD is under control. It is managed with behavioral changes like meditation. I have been capable of completing larger projects instead of moving on to the next. My home is clean and organized which get this also gives you piece of mind. Gone are the days of sitting on the sofa looking at all the things I need to do. I don’t feel out of control. It is still a work in process. I’m one of those people that if I don’t keep up with it, I will just give up. Giving myself time for peace and relaxation has energized me. Now, I can do things even when I don’t want to. You deserve to have time for yourself, sometimes you have to put yourself first and that’s not a bad thing. It will make you a better mom, wife, partner, friend and more importantly a better version of yourself.