Reinventing Carrie

I mI married my husband back in 2010. We are a blended family, and like most blended families, it was a war zone in my home. Luckily, now they are all grown up and out of the house, but the truth is, actions have consequences. Now, bear with me as this is a complicated story with many different aspects, and everyone has some responsibility in the demise.. I married my husband back in 2010, we are a blended family and like most blended families it was a war zone in my home. Luckily now they are all grown up and out of the house but the truth is actions have consequences. Now bear with me as this is a complicated story with many different aspects and everyone has some responsibility in the demise. Also some things have occurred that are impossible to ignore and sweep under the floor.

To start I always knew his eldest daughter was going to have a very difficult time with this change and I tried to find ways to connect with her. The truth is she never had any desire to do that as it was shown by some minor and some major actions she chose to take. A line was crossed when she, a college student, decided to private message boys on my 6th grade daughters to find out if she was sexually active. Now without going into detail there were a lot of things that occurred that escalated to this vile behavior. Her father couldn’t control her so I decided to cut all ties with her. She could come here but only if she treated my daughter and myself with respect. She chose not to come over but of course made herself the victim. Saying I kicked her out when what I actually did was set a boundary that she chose she couldn’t accept.

For years my mother in law I had me do all of her Christmas and shopping for her grandchildren. Now I was ok with that, I wanted them to have nice birthdays and Christmas’s but every single present from their grandparents and father were picked out by me. What did I get for my birthdays and Christmas’s, you guessed it nothing. Not a single thing. I got CRPS in 2011, I was in horrendous pain but I still did this until I just got fed up. It was causing me a lot of stress because I still had my own kid, my own family to shop for. They all came here for Christmas and watched as I killed myself making meals for them. His eldest would refuse to help clean the kitchen, to which I banished her to her room while we cleaned because I would damned to allow her to watch us clean.

Well after the 6th year of this, every time my daughter opened a Christmas gift from my family she would tell her, she was a fashion whore. To the point my daughter was ashamed and it took her joy away and I announced this was the last time I would be hosting Christmas. This after I did all the shopping for all the things they loved, that they got to enjoy without shame. My mother in law intentionally ignored my daughter on her visits to the point I once said I think we need to clear the air. That we would have a one time talk about why she doesn’t like my daughter and then we could move on because my job is to protect my daughter.

Last year my husband got colon cancer and his mother came to help, I was obviously all for this. After all that’s her son, I’d want to be there for my child so mother to mother I respected this. Well at the same time I’m very sick, the week before they even showed up I couldn’t keep any food down. I was constantly fainting to the point I had very deep, very black bruises all over my legs, hips, thighs and arms but I’m getting ahead of myself. First she must tell me no less than 20 times how disappointed she is in the state of my house, again I’m throwing up, major gi issues, I’m walking with a rollator and I’m fainting or falling constantly. So yeah I couldn’t sweep or vacuum and we have 3 dogs so it doesn’t take long to look bad. Of course her son could have cleaned but that’s not what this is about. Here I am panicking about my husband and I’m embarrassed about fainting in front of people so I’m feeling particularly vulnerable.

Then there were some little things that were just rude and definitely crossing boundaries with me. First you need to know along time ago when my daughter first came home from school after someone said something mean about her, I consciously decided I would no longer disparage or judge women by their appearance. I wanted to teach my daughter by example that who we are is more important than what we are. My mother in law is overweight, something I’ve never had an issue or judged her by so this one just hit me wrong and again we are at the hospital while my husband is having surgery. A heavy set woman walks by us and she loudly says don’t ever let me get that big. Now I’d say they were about the same size so it was an odd comment but the kicker was this woman heard her. So I respectfully told her I’m not ok with that and I don’t define people by the size of their dress. I understand it may have embarrassed her a bit but if I said nothing I’m just as bad as she behaved.

Now things begin to escalate to extremely rude and dismissive behavior. As I told you I’m sick and I faint so I’m not doing well on so many levels. We run to the dispensary, I do this to sleep and deal with breakthrough pain as opiates took a toll on my body. She oversteps and says I hope you’re paying for this and not my son. Which is one, none of her business and second she never held a job so she has no money of her own. At this point I’m done so I tell her tomorrow I’m going to drive myself to the hospital to visit my husband and she can go in the afternoon with the girls to see him. Hand to god this woman tells me she will have to ask her son to see if I have permission to drive myself, it’s not 1950 and I don’t need his permission which I flat out told her. She then seriously hides his car keys, I’m not sure why she would think I don’t have my own set but whatever. I then go to reside to my room, again I’m sick and I just need to get away from her. This woman actually kept trying to come into my bedroom, she did it so many times I had to lock my door. Oh of course 5 more times she tried to get in there, like what did she think she was going to accomplish?

Now we get to the part of the story that has gotten me to the point I am at now, I never want to see her again. So the day he gets out of the hospital I’m admitted to the ER, I go home then following day an ambulance takes me to the ER. Again they give me IV fluids and send me home. The next day I can’t even keep water down so I go to a different hospital and it’s bad. I’m dying, in fact I did die. I’m put in the ICU for 48 hours and my entire stay is 7 days. I don’t want to get into all of what they found but it’s chronic and I will need several surgeries that I’m avoiding all because of what I’m going to tell you.

My husband left me in the ER knowing they were going to be sending me to the ICU. Not his finest moment, as there is no one to answer questions for me it becomes very scary. Remember I have all these bruises on my body, so as the hospital sees it I was abandoned in the ER. I have social workers and police interviewing me because they think I’ve either been raped or I’m being brutalized at home. The next morning my husband doesn’t show, he hasn’t called the hospital to see if I’ve even been stabilized or even survived. Trust me he and I are having to do a lot of work to try to rebuild our relationship. Now his mother is still here, in my home and not once does she say don’t worry about me go take care of your wife. The wife that did all of her shopping for grandkids, so yeah I was used by her. I text him when one of my tests is not going well and not only is it painful but very scary, he responds verbatim Ok taking mom for pizza. So he and she are prioritizing her wants over my needs. I was left to die alone. He is not off the hook, we are and will put in the work to try and rebuild trust.

So here we are today, his eldest is having an after the math wedding reception and I won’t go unless we stay in a hotel. After everything that transpired I feel that was a magnanimous offer on my part. There was some arguing about it but I was finally able to get him to understand that it is unreasonable to keep putting me in these types of situations. For my own wellbeing and quite honestly of my marriage. I don’t need to keep subjecting myself to this type of toxicity. Like they say put your own air mask on first, I have to take care of myself first. He wanted to know how does he explain this to his family and honestly ChatGPT helped with this. The last thing I want, as it does no one any justice, is to make up a lie. I don’t see this as selfish, why surround yourself with people that make you feel like you’re less than. I have too much self respect to allow myself to be mistreated by anyone, not even family. We deserve to be treated with respect and you don’t owe others, even family, your time, your wellbeing to people that will never respect you back.