So who am I, that’s hard to answer because I have been bogged down by ‘what I am’ which is not who am or at least how I want to be defined. I’m a mother to a 27 year old daughter, where did the time go. I’m a wife, I’m a daughter, I’m a friend an I’m disabled but none of these are who I am. However for the past two years, which have been extremely difficult, I’ve defined myself by my disability. I was diagnosed with CRPS, chronic regional pain syndrome, in 2010 and I had to find my way out of that and I did but the past two years have been extremely difficult. I faint and in the past two years I’ve broken several bones from the falls, my clavicle is permanently broken, my tailbone is severed in two and a couple of vertebrate in my thoracic spine. I was hospitalized twice the past 12 months from severe GI issues, I was in the ICU the last time and almost died. My husband got colon cancer which really freaked me out but we are out of the woods for that, thank god. So who am I?
Well that is what this is about, I fell and I fell hard but it’s not the fall that defines you it is how you get back up. I got tired of living my very small life, I can’t drive so that doesn’t help but I believe I can find a way to have a life. It won’t be the life I had before all of this happened but I can’t just isolate myself and give up. I was in a wheelchair for a bit but I am able to walk now, it took a lot of work to get there but I did it and once I accomplished that goal I started to look around and within to find the strength to get back up. There will be good days and bad days but if I focus on what I can do, if I focus on creating a life for myself I will continue to try. That meant finding a routine and it has begun slowly but when you go from just laying in bed all day wishing you would die anything you accomplish is big. I will be sharing my journey and maybe you will find some inspiration to change your life. The plan is to be as honest as I can be so you will see what did and didn’t work, the struggle to change my habits and the successes.
We all fall, it could be a divorce, a loss of a loved one, health issues or anything that has made you feel lost and out of control. We can’t let those falls define us, they are lessons. I was a shadow of myself for two years, I stopped caring and I let myself go. I completely let myself and my surroundings get out of control so it has been difficult to get my life and house under control again and starting was very difficult. You can change, it won’t happen overnight and it won’t be perfect but you can do it. I live with extreme pain but not moving makes it worse, being surrounded by chaos makes it worse but by creating daily, weekly and monthly tasks helps. There is less noise when you can create an environment that reflects the life you want it gets easier to focus on making other changes. I will also share recipes and diet changes that have helped to keep my Chrons under control and yes I will also shared the failed recipes because life isn’t perfect and maybe like Julia Childs I can learn how to lean into those failures to create something better.
Reinventing Carrie 